Home is?

Can you believe I’ve been in Cambodia for a whole month? I can’t! The time has flown by pretty quickly! The girls are hard at work at their studies, I’m constantly grading papers, and everything is moving along. The girls have opened up to us so much more, telling us about their goals for the future. Every now and then the girls get frustrated and ask me why English is so hard. I then I have to reassure them that English is the hardest language to learn and I’m proud of them for trying so hard. English, is by no means, easy. Teaching, is by no means easy. Conclusion? Teaching English is not easy, but Maggie and I are managing to do this together, and I think the girls are learning, which is what’s most important. However, can I just shoutout to all my teachers/ professors: If I ever gave you a hard time, I’m so sorry. This is a public apology if I was ever a pain in the butt. 

Now while I absolutely love Cambodia, but I will admit that I did have a bout of being homesick a few weeks ago. I started really missing my family and friends, especially my handsome nephew! I got a bit of a stomach bug and was getting frustrated with what I could eat and started to miss what had previously been my life essentials: breakfast tacos and sweet tea. It got to a point where I teared up a little because I missed Native Texan Salsa. I mean, I wasn’t a totally wreck, but the realization that I wouldn’t be home for a year finally sunk in, and it hurt a little. 

I know I used this picture already, but I don't care! I love it!

Around this time, Maggie and I joined Sr. Leeza on her first home visit of the year. Sr. Leeza, the school principle, believes that it is important to set a relationship with the families; the families should know the school staff and vice versa. Seven girls opened their homes and introduced us to their families. The home visits showed me a lot of things. For one, it introduced us to parts of the city we hadn’t seen. From back alleys in the city to countrysides, we found out that our girls come from all over Phnom Penh. Two of my students live in the countryside and have to take a ferry to and from school everyday, leaving an hour early to make it in time. Some of the girls go through great lengths to get to school everyday. I realized I shouldn’t  have whined so much about my 10 minute commute from Pleasant Valley to St. Ed’s as much as I did. From their grandparents and siblings, to aunts and uncles, each family seemed thrilled to meet us. There was, of course, a huge language barrier, however the girls tried their best to translate. Most of the comments included something about their parents being proud that their daughters were going to school to learn English from Americans and how proud they were of their daughters. It was wonderful to put a face with the names of the parents and siblings of our students. Everyone was so gracious to us, and we really enjoyed the whole experience.

So if you know me, you know that the tiny house movement (Google tiny house movement!) is one of my latest obsessions. I love the idea of living in a smaller space. I am one person, and I don’t need a massive house to make me happy. It would make me get rid of the things I don’t need, and would be perfect for me if I lived by myself. Now, homes in Cambodia really seem to range from super fancy to barely a roof over your head. Across from the school is this house that might be bigger than the White House, which we jokingly call the Vatican and behind the school is this blue shack surrounded by nice homes. The structure and architecture is beautiful, but I almost feel guilty for admiring it.There’s almost no middle ground in the city; houses are either really big (even by American standards) or depressingly small. The home visits showed me where our girls come from. Some live in actual buildings, but most were small structures hardly bigger than shacks that were housing more than 5 people. Most didn’t have running water or toilet systems. I’ve always known that I grown up comfortably, and this was my reminder. In some ways it made me feel guilty because I would gladly choose to live in a tiny house, but my girls didn’t make that choice. Things that I take for granted, like the luxury of my own room, is something some of my girls don’t even know. As much as I would love to live in my tiny house, it doesn’t actually do anything to help the girls here. It doesn’t do anything to help the people who are already living in a tiny house, the ones that are a little more than shacks. Now I’m not saying I’ve given up on my tiny house obsession, but it has made me more self aware. Living in a city where the disparity is so drastic from street corner to street corner has made me aware of the types of shelter people have to utilize the best they can to work for themselves and for their families. Most importantly, the home visits and walking around the city has reminded me to be humble.

The super gorgeous, but not so humble, Vatican house.

Now, as I’d mentioned before, I was struggling with missing my own home, but seeing the girls with their families made me so happy. I think it even helped me get past my homesickness. I realized that it wasn’t even the places or things that I really missed, even if I did cry over salsa that one time. I started to think about all the areas I’ve ever considered home. At first, I thought my idea of home was a mix of structures and people. My senior year, I remember wondering who was living in my room from freshman year, and I hoped that they would have as great of a time in T-House as I did. I passed by my apartment a few days before leaving for Cambodia and wondered if the new tenants decorated as well as the girls and I had, if they’d make their apartment as homey as ours was. I began to notice that it was less of the structure and more of the people that make a home. My family sends me happy texts and updates about Liam all the time, which never fail at making me smile. My friends from Austin text me as if I were just down the road, and it makes me happy. When Maggie and I leave the school, we are always welcomed back by some of the girls who always want to know what we’ve been up to, even if it’s only our Sunday trip to St. Joseph’s for English mass. I’m starting to feel more comfortable here in Cambodia now that we have more of a routine and I’m getting to know the girls more. They’ve become more open with me, and some have even gotten a little sassy with me, which I greatly enjoy. When Maggie and I go out into the city, sometimes we see people we know, and we’ve realized we’ve hit a new point in our mission: we’re starting to become more familiar to people. Sometimes when I look at the girls during assemblies, I realize how much I just adore them. They make my heart happy and I’m realizing now that I’m feeling more at home.

Our post blessing of the school picture. Here are all the girls, teachers and nuns, and even Father! 

I started reading Something Other Than God by Jennifer Fulwiler, a Catholic convert from Austin. I’m not quite finished, but it’s been great so far, you should totally check our her awesome blog! Anyways, her book tells about her conversion story which all takes place in Austin, so you can imagine all the feelings I felt as I read her descriptions of home. She even went as far as to describe the tilapia from Central Market- the North Lamar store, but whatever. I totally reminisced about Central Market and my little family there and how they’re my home too. However, as I’ve been reading, I noticed that while I do get semi-emotional about her descriptions, I’m okay. Of course, I do miss home, but I get happy thinking about all my fun memories from there. I’ve also start to think of the memories Maggie and I have begun to make for ourselves here in Cambodia (“Why not?” “Because not.”) and how when I look at my girls, there is no place I’d rather be than with them! I’ve concluded that home is not a physical location, but a spiritual and emotional one. It’s where you find happiness. It’s where you find love. It’s where you see God in the people you’re with.

I love these wonderful ladies! Sorry my finger was in the way, oops!