Home is?

Can you believe I’ve been in Cambodia for a whole month? I can’t! The time has flown by pretty quickly! The girls are hard at work at their studies, I’m constantly grading papers, and everything is moving along. The girls have opened up to us so much more, telling us about their goals for the future. Every now and then the girls get frustrated and ask me why English is so hard. I then I have to reassure them that English is the hardest language to learn and I’m proud of them for trying so hard. English, is by no means, easy. Teaching, is by no means easy. Conclusion? Teaching English is not easy, but Maggie and I are managing to do this together, and I think the girls are learning, which is what’s most important. However, can I just shoutout to all my teachers/ professors: If I ever gave you a hard time, I’m so sorry. This is a public apology if I was ever a pain in the butt. 

Now while I absolutely love Cambodia, but I will admit that I did have a bout of being homesick a few weeks ago. I started really missing my family and friends, especially my handsome nephew! I got a bit of a stomach bug and was getting frustrated with what I could eat and started to miss what had previously been my life essentials: breakfast tacos and sweet tea. It got to a point where I teared up a little because I missed Native Texan Salsa. I mean, I wasn’t a totally wreck, but the realization that I wouldn’t be home for a year finally sunk in, and it hurt a little. 

I know I used this picture already, but I don't care! I love it!

Around this time, Maggie and I joined Sr. Leeza on her first home visit of the year. Sr. Leeza, the school principle, believes that it is important to set a relationship with the families; the families should know the school staff and vice versa. Seven girls opened their homes and introduced us to their families. The home visits showed me a lot of things. For one, it introduced us to parts of the city we hadn’t seen. From back alleys in the city to countrysides, we found out that our girls come from all over Phnom Penh. Two of my students live in the countryside and have to take a ferry to and from school everyday, leaving an hour early to make it in time. Some of the girls go through great lengths to get to school everyday. I realized I shouldn’t  have whined so much about my 10 minute commute from Pleasant Valley to St. Ed’s as much as I did. From their grandparents and siblings, to aunts and uncles, each family seemed thrilled to meet us. There was, of course, a huge language barrier, however the girls tried their best to translate. Most of the comments included something about their parents being proud that their daughters were going to school to learn English from Americans and how proud they were of their daughters. It was wonderful to put a face with the names of the parents and siblings of our students. Everyone was so gracious to us, and we really enjoyed the whole experience.

So if you know me, you know that the tiny house movement (Google tiny house movement!) is one of my latest obsessions. I love the idea of living in a smaller space. I am one person, and I don’t need a massive house to make me happy. It would make me get rid of the things I don’t need, and would be perfect for me if I lived by myself. Now, homes in Cambodia really seem to range from super fancy to barely a roof over your head. Across from the school is this house that might be bigger than the White House, which we jokingly call the Vatican and behind the school is this blue shack surrounded by nice homes. The structure and architecture is beautiful, but I almost feel guilty for admiring it.There’s almost no middle ground in the city; houses are either really big (even by American standards) or depressingly small. The home visits showed me where our girls come from. Some live in actual buildings, but most were small structures hardly bigger than shacks that were housing more than 5 people. Most didn’t have running water or toilet systems. I’ve always known that I grown up comfortably, and this was my reminder. In some ways it made me feel guilty because I would gladly choose to live in a tiny house, but my girls didn’t make that choice. Things that I take for granted, like the luxury of my own room, is something some of my girls don’t even know. As much as I would love to live in my tiny house, it doesn’t actually do anything to help the girls here. It doesn’t do anything to help the people who are already living in a tiny house, the ones that are a little more than shacks. Now I’m not saying I’ve given up on my tiny house obsession, but it has made me more self aware. Living in a city where the disparity is so drastic from street corner to street corner has made me aware of the types of shelter people have to utilize the best they can to work for themselves and for their families. Most importantly, the home visits and walking around the city has reminded me to be humble.

The super gorgeous, but not so humble, Vatican house.

Now, as I’d mentioned before, I was struggling with missing my own home, but seeing the girls with their families made me so happy. I think it even helped me get past my homesickness. I realized that it wasn’t even the places or things that I really missed, even if I did cry over salsa that one time. I started to think about all the areas I’ve ever considered home. At first, I thought my idea of home was a mix of structures and people. My senior year, I remember wondering who was living in my room from freshman year, and I hoped that they would have as great of a time in T-House as I did. I passed by my apartment a few days before leaving for Cambodia and wondered if the new tenants decorated as well as the girls and I had, if they’d make their apartment as homey as ours was. I began to notice that it was less of the structure and more of the people that make a home. My family sends me happy texts and updates about Liam all the time, which never fail at making me smile. My friends from Austin text me as if I were just down the road, and it makes me happy. When Maggie and I leave the school, we are always welcomed back by some of the girls who always want to know what we’ve been up to, even if it’s only our Sunday trip to St. Joseph’s for English mass. I’m starting to feel more comfortable here in Cambodia now that we have more of a routine and I’m getting to know the girls more. They’ve become more open with me, and some have even gotten a little sassy with me, which I greatly enjoy. When Maggie and I go out into the city, sometimes we see people we know, and we’ve realized we’ve hit a new point in our mission: we’re starting to become more familiar to people. Sometimes when I look at the girls during assemblies, I realize how much I just adore them. They make my heart happy and I’m realizing now that I’m feeling more at home.

Our post blessing of the school picture. Here are all the girls, teachers and nuns, and even Father! 

I started reading Something Other Than God by Jennifer Fulwiler, a Catholic convert from Austin. I’m not quite finished, but it’s been great so far, you should totally check our her awesome blog! Anyways, her book tells about her conversion story which all takes place in Austin, so you can imagine all the feelings I felt as I read her descriptions of home. She even went as far as to describe the tilapia from Central Market- the North Lamar store, but whatever. I totally reminisced about Central Market and my little family there and how they’re my home too. However, as I’ve been reading, I noticed that while I do get semi-emotional about her descriptions, I’m okay. Of course, I do miss home, but I get happy thinking about all my fun memories from there. I’ve also start to think of the memories Maggie and I have begun to make for ourselves here in Cambodia (“Why not?” “Because not.”) and how when I look at my girls, there is no place I’d rather be than with them! I’ve concluded that home is not a physical location, but a spiritual and emotional one. It’s where you find happiness. It’s where you find love. It’s where you see God in the people you’re with.

I love these wonderful ladies! Sorry my finger was in the way, oops! 

Don't Get Caught Up In Your Title

It’s been almost two weeks that I’ve been in Cambodia and I can hardly believe it! We’re moving along very quickly, but I think I’m adjusting fairly well. Maggie and I arrived on October 2nd, after having left on the 30th, and while our flights weren’t that bad, I think the time change messed with us a bit. The time difference between Texas and Cambodia is 12 hours, so my days have become nights, and my nights days. However, I’ve adjusted okay. It gets dark in the evening around 6, and the sun rises at 5:30 every morning, so I’ve actually become a morning person. If you know me at all, that is a HUGE surprise. It is very hot here in Cambodia and a little bit more humid, but generally similar to Texas, so I’m able to withstand the heat… sorta. At orientation, we joked that Salesians love stairs. This is now a proven fact, as I have to climb four flights of stairs to get to my room. Those stairs are probably my least favorite thing in Cambodia.

Peeled and unpeeled longans. Looks like an eyeball, right?

The food in Cambodia has been very good and we’ve had lots of interesting dishes. Maggie and I have french bread in the morning, along with fruit, cheese and an egg, as well as coffee. We have lunch with the sisters, usually soup, rice, meat or fish, fruit and vegetables; this is usually the same for dinner. The fruit here is one of my favorite things about Cambodia. What is exotic and expensive in the states, can be found all over in Cambodia. My favorite has been longan (Chinese for dragon eye), a small fruit that you peel and kinda looks like an eye. The inside has a seed, but the flesh around it tastes like cantaloupe! It’s super yummy, even if it looks a little weird. 

Sr. Teresa celebrated her birthday on the 15th. She's unwrapping her gift while Sr. My Hanh holds it.

Maggie and I have really enjoyed working with the sisters so far. There are seven sisters who we live with, and they come from all over the world. I think it’s beautiful to have so many different influences from different countries coming together to make one community. They have been very supportive and helpful in our adjustment! Some of the students live outside of the compound, but many of them (about 40) stay in the dorm room. The girls range from 18-22, and go to school here for two years. They learn English, Speech, Health,  Accounting, and Cambodian History, as well as a labor law class that tells them about their rights after they become employed.  Maggie and I are teaching English to first and second year students, as well as Speech to the first year students. My girls are wonderful and so smart and I love them already!

 My English 1 class! These girls are awesome!

My name in class is Teacher Amanda, and the girls greet us at every class with “good morning teacher” in unison, to which I have learned to respond “saum angkuoy choch” which means please have a seat in Khemer, to which they bow and respond “thank you teacher.” These girls are super respectful and it really surprised me the first time, but I’ve gotten used to it now, and ability to stay perfectly in unison is really impressive. I feel like I’m already at a point where they are all my children and they are all just perfect to me. You know how parents feel that their child can do no wrong? I basically feel the same way about my girls.

But I will admit that I was super nervous to teach. Girls started moving in the first weekend, and immediately started calling me Teacher, which really threw me off. I’ve never really identified as teacher. For 17 years, I identified as a student; I’ve come to identify as a social worker within the past few years, but never have I considered myself teacher. My title as Teacher Amanda really started to make me anxious. What qualifies me to teach people? I don’t have any formal education to teach other people English. The more I thought about it, the more nervous I became. These girls are learning English because they need to, in order to get a good job and be more independent. Learning English isn’t out of luxury, but instead because they need to provide for themselves. When I reminded myself of this, I started to feel insecure about myself and my ability to teach. Am I a good enough teacher for these girls? I shared a bit of my anxieties with a local priest named Fr. Kevin. Maggie and Fr. Kevin are friends, and he’d stopped by to ask us if we were ready for our first day as teacher. As I explained to him how I was having trouble with identifying myself as a teacher, he stopped me and said, “Don’t get caught up in the title, just be present with the girls. Listen to them and teach them what you can. That’s all that really matters to them.” While that was a good reminder to let the title go and just teach what I know, my teacher title was still getting to me. 

My English 2 class! My class rocks!

As the first day arrived, I reminded myself to not let the girls see how anxious I am. Surprisingly, teaching came a little easily. I realized very quickly I needed to have patience. I am a generally patient person, but I have my moments. I have to be very patient when the girls pronounce their words. Sometimes the sounds are off, and we start all over, but they’re working so hard because they want to learn. I by no means will say that teaching is easy, because it isn’t, but I have found it easier than I anticipated. Maybe it’s because they’re closer to my age, or maybe it’s their genuine desire to learn, but it’s been great and I’m realizing I can teach English, regardless if I’ve any formal training to do so or not. I remind the girls to let me know when I’m speaking aside, and I’ve welcomed them to ask me anything they want to know so they can practice their English. After class today, one of my girls asked me if I would teach when I got back to America, and I said that’d I’d likely go back to social work- being a professional helper, as I have explained to the girls. She very quickly responded, “Well teacher, aren’t you HELPING me learn English?”

That’s when it hit me. It finally came full circle. I know social work and teaching aren’t separate, but I’m finally coming to terms with identifying myself as Teacher Amanda. Regardless my name, my goal here is to help the girls learn English and that is exactly what they’re going to do. In class we talked about sharing our talent, and I shared with the girls a verse from a Noah and the Whale song called Give a Little Love, “What you share with the world is what it keeps of you.” I explained that to them that I know English and I will share that with them so that they can know English too. Maybe someday they will teach someone else how to speak English, or teach a talent of theirs’ to someone else. Bottom line, when we die, we can’t hold on to anything, so it’s best to put it back in the world in hopes someone else can use it too. 

Sreypea and Mon are thinking about how to answer their daily question.

When I think about it, some of my best teachers have been the most unexpected ones. I have been called many things in my life; Amanda, Manda, Mandaminator, Laughing Auntie, Teacher Amanda. Regardless of what people may call me and how I identify, I need to remember that we all have our own talents, and that everyone can teach someone something, no matter who they are or their title.

How I Got Here, Where I'm Going, and What I'm Doing Now

To be honest, these past few months have been a whirlwind. I finished my summer classes, officially graduated from St. Edward's, moved out of my Austin apartment back home to Yoakum, and flew to New York; all in a very short amount of time. It seemed like college had flown by so quickly, and here I was at the very end of it. Within four years I had discovered a passion for many things, a passion for social work, passion for my faith, and the passion to be of service to others. Perhaps it was a combination of studying both social work and Catholic studies that would eventually lead me to where I am now.  But even more specifically, it was while I was in India during an International Immersion trip through the Spring Break Experience Program, when I'd decided that I wanted to do this. I remember sitting quietly, helping one of the most adorable boys color a picture, and in our silence, realizing that I could do this long term. It was the first spark that made me realize that I could be a missionary. Now I still had two years of college to finish, but I knew if God wanted me to do this, He'd help me find a way. Looking at it now, I'm glad someone snapped this picture, because it was somewhere around here when I realized what I was being called to do.

The Holy Spirit is definitely in this picture somewhere.

Before I knew it, I was on a flight to New York for a three week orientation in preparation for Cambodia. My orientation was a wonderful and amazing experience! My fellow Salesian Lay Missioners (SLMs) are lovely people and I'm so blessed to know them! My site partner, Maggie, is one of the coolest girls I've ever met and I'm really looking forward to spending this next year working with her. I even learned that two other SLMs, Sarah and Clare, will also be in Phnom Penh at a school nearby so I have all kinds of SLM support whenever I need! We accomplished so much in New York during those three weeks and I ended up learning a lot more about myself. I learned about what to expect when going to mission, as well as what to expect when we come back. We also did a week of service, switching between working at a soup kitchen and helping at a summer camp. During our final week we attended a retreat with the Salesian brothers, which I think we all really enjoyed. I had so much fun getting to know all of the brothers who had come from all over, yet share the same beautiful Salesian spirit. It was during the final week that we were commissioned as official SLMs, and to be honest I'd never felt so at peace. During mass, we stood in line and waited to receive our small wooden crosses- necklaces for us to take on mission. It was here, as I waited for mine, that I felt a very calming presence; a sort of affirmation that this was definitely what I was meant to do.
It was in this silence, just as I had felt in India, that gave me a great sense of joy and I realized this was my connection with the Holy Spirit. So of course, just as I’m receiving my cross, I start to tear up because my heart is just so happy and content and I am genuinely at peace. Genuine peace is a great feeling, y’all. 

My lovely SLM Family post commissioning ceremony!

So who are the SLMs and what will I be doing in Phnom Penh, Cambodia for a year? The Salesian Lay Missioners is a Catholic organization run by the Salesian of Don Bosco, an order of the Roman Catholic Church. The SLMs have been around since the early 80's and have sent missionaries to various countries across the world and in the U.S. Some of the sites are orphanages, however, I will be teaching English to older girls (18-22) and, towards the end of the year, will help them find jobs in the city. The Don Bosco Skills Training Center for Girls, where I'll be working, is an all girls’ school that works with the poorest of the poor in Phnom Penh. A strong education is one of the most important things a child can receive and I hope to provide just that. I can't wait to meet my wonderful girls, the community of nuns I'll be staying with, and everyone else I cross paths with in Phnom Penh. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me this next year.

As of right now, I'm spending time with family and friends and preparing myself for this next year. I'm spending time subbing and just getting my feet wet in teaching, which has been really interesting. I never saw myself as a teacher, but then again, I never saw myself as a missionary either. I’m watching lots of Netflix and spending time with the most handsome baby I know, Liam. He makes me so happy, and it's a little weird to think that he'll be walking and talking the next time I see him! But for now, I get to watch him make the cutest faces possible, and I'm perfectly fine with that. 

My handsome-faced Liam Tate, aka Tatertot!

I've done a bit of reading on the similarities between Buddhism and Christianity, which I think is important, since I'll be in a country that is primarily Buddhist. I've always loved learning about other religions, as I think it's helpful when reaching out to people. I'm also trying to gauge how many books I can bring with me to Cambodia, which seems to be a popular question for us missionaries. I think I'm looking at a lot of C.S. Lewis and biographies, as well as some books I'd read in a class my freshman year. My professor had challenged us to come back to them later down the road, and I think now would be a good time. I'm looking forward to it all: a little Thomas Merton, Dorothy Day, Pope Francis, and Flannery O'Connor- this year is looking great! 

So for my blog title, I wanted something that would remind me of Don Bosco all the time. Don Bosco is the patron saint of young people and he knew that in order for children to succeed, they needed to be educated and they needed to know that people cared for them. He often gave the boys advice and reflections at the end of the evening, which the Salesians call “The Goodnight.” Don Bosco once said, “Walk with your feet on the earth, and your heart in heaven.”  I like to think he said this to the boys during The Goodnight. I think that quote can speak to many people of different faiths. It is in this quote that I see a beautiful challenge of balance. It is a healthy challenge to not forget one for the other; a reminder that we must be fully present on earth, yet consciously aware of heaven, which I think is just beautiful. I am by no means expecting this year to be easy, but I think we all deserve some balance in our lives, however we may find it. Prayer, meditation, writing, whatever it may be, I hope I figure it out and utilize it. I hope that during this next year, that I can remind myself to find a sense of balance every day, if only for a moment.